Tonight I wondered down to Fruit Heights Utah and climbed around a pretty good trail. I would NOT suggest this hike for a hot day, but at night, it’s wonderful (and either end, is pretty taxing). With open skies the entire time (occasional trees block your view skyward), there are lots of opportunities to take cityscape shots, astrophotography pictures, or just soak in the view with your very own eyes.
I used this hike to check in with myself a little bit. I really didn’t take a lot of pictures, and actually had to force myself to stop, unpack my tripod, clear my mind, and take some pictures. Checking in with myself tonight was kind of a pep, vs “keep yourself safe” talk. I read “memes” and “inspirational quotes” talking about “don’t wait for no one”, or “if they’re not ready now, they’ll never be ready for you”. I think sometimes it is easy to read some of these quotes and adapt your thinking to accept what they are saying for what you might be feeling below the surface. In my case, this was a little bit about why I choose this kind of a hike for tonight. I needed to check in with myself, and only myself.
If hiking alone is anything, it is peaceful. During the summer it is peaceful, but the crickets are deafening. Now that it’s cooler, night hikes are absolutely quiet. My mind went from ecstatically happy, to cautiously optimistic, down to filled with doubts and where I might not be enough no matter what I do. This is where hiking is absolutely vital to a healthy (realistic) mindset. Drifting through all of these thoughts (emotions), and annualizing these thoughts for their validity, and realistic use. One thing I have worked on really hard since last winter has been placing expectations on anything that isn’t under my immediate control. If I can’t have a say in the outcome of an expectation I have, then I need to let go of that expectation and change it to a passing thought. Expectations are a deathblow to mental health if you’re not the one in control of the expectation. Their about as dangerous as a thought if you let a thought affect your expectations, and expect a thought to become reality.
I can’t say I came to any enlightened epiphany, but I did reinforce some inner strengths, checked off a few mental tasks I have been debating with inside myself, and tried a little bit harder to be “okay” if it comes to be that I am unable to check a box I know might be a deal breaker in the long run. It won’t be the first time a really good thing ended because of this unchecked box, and it may not be the last, but I am trying my best to be okay with that reality, and let it go should it become reality again.
Here are the images. I am not particularly proud of any of them, but they were a good exercise in why I hate focusing on anything at night through my camera, it’s nearly impossible for me, got a lot of practice to go yet before I think I will be able to produce great night images.