Sometimes Thoughts Make Stories

This hike was on my way to Pocatello from Ogden. I took the Devil’s Creek Reservoir exit, headed east for ever, up a dirt road for about 3 miles, then up a rocky backroom for another 2 or 3. I didn’t think about no cell service up there (duh), but it wasn’t available long before I made it to the trail head. Luckily All Trails still tracks your hike via GPS, and you can update it all when you’re back in cell service area. This hike is available on All Trails (link will take you to this hike).

The heading of this post refers to what my therapist has been working with me about, the book I’ve been listening to, and pretty much everything else I’ve done to try and get myself through this journey hits on this early on in the process. Because you “think” something, or “think” about something over and over doesn’t mean it is reality. I’ve had issues with this my entire life. I will build things up in my mind using only the few scraps of information I have and the plethora of insecurities, lack of communication skills, and endless anxiety. Instead of talking to the person that I am running through this process, I get quiet, distant, and sometimes (REALLY BAD), I hurt them with the inconsiderate things I’ve said.

This hike was by far the most strenuous I’ve had since I was in my 20’s. It was not only a physical exercise, but mentally I was roaming the streets of story town a lot more than I wanted. The difference between today, and a few months ago is that I can accept some of those stories (developed from my thoughts that aren’t reality), notice them developing, release the process, and move through them. I still have little stings and sticks from the stories I create in my mind, but I can process them as thoughts, and get back to watching the moment, the NOW, and bring my focus back to reality. This is very important for me, because with this tool, it will bring me to a point I will be a better person over all, and when I decide it is time to allow a person to come into my life, I can be in the moment with her, be present, and listen to her instead of just hear the Charlie Brown teacher voice in my head.

About the hike. I drug out my old hiking boots (that haven’t seen a hike since I bought them, but were my daily shoes for a couple years), and they felt really good. I am so happy I wore them on this hike. There were a lot of sharp rocks, lots of uneven ground, and with my nerve being a little tender from yesterday’s hike (I laugh at calling that a hike, it was a trail walk compared to today’s). I was very happy that the pain didn’t show up (in force) until I was about 50 yards from my car. I changed into my regular shoes and headed up here to my mom’s in Pocatello.

The trail I choose was Kent’s Canyon because it had a sign on it that said “No ATV’s, Motorcycles, or Motor vehicles”. Had I known it was a 7+ mile up and back, I’d a probably taken another trail (call me a wuss, but yesterday’s 4 mile trail walk is still with me). I hope to go back and try one of the other two hikes they’ve got up there. Maybe even finish this Kent’s Canyon hike since I am really trying to not leave any of these hikes half finished.

Right now I’m trying to decided if I should do a little hike here in Poky, or just head down to old town, and take some photos (maybe slip into a couple bars that may or may not bring up some painful memories that are tied to some very strong emotions still). If I decide to drop into one of the bars, I worry that I’m pushing this process/journey too hard. Everything takes time, but when I have a good day (today was a “pretty good” day) I want to push harder. I’ve tried that a few times, and it backfires really hard usually. Feel great one day, take a step towards something that hurt last month, and it comes back with a vengeance.

What a Debby downer feeling post today. I’m sorry (anyone that reads my words), it really wasn’t a downer day, it was a good normal day. Lets get to the part I enjoy inflicting on others, the images (and maybe a video if it loaded up).

Here’s a quick (30 seconds of so) video talking and driving down the trail after the hike.