A Little Bit of Memory Lane

As much as I love downtown Ogden, I think I love the memories I’ve built here over the years even more. One of the most recent memories that I really enjoy looking back on is my first meeting at a small Italian Pastry shop called Sapori Bakery on 24th Street. I don’t go to 24th Street much, but I probably should. It’s got as much history as 25th Street, it’s just not as flashy about it.

Anyhow, back in August I started talking to a really fun, cute, quirky woman from Hooper Utah. She suggested we get some pastry’s and see how it goes in person. After a handful of re-schedules, we finally got to meet, and it’s been non stop learning ever since (and by learning I mean, laughing, being goofy, silly, shedding a few tears, misunderstandings, communication, and some of the most comfortable hangouts I’ve had in years). I honestly have zero idea where this relationship is going to go, where we’ll be in a few months, let alone a year, but until things progress, fall apart, or we have to face the music and go our separate ways, I’m treating it like it’s the long haul, and enjoying every single minute of this refreshing relationship.

Why I started with this post with a relationship paragraph, is because I wondered down 24th street a few minutes and realized I was standing across the street from the little shop her and I first saw each other. The first time I realized her quirks were part of the package I enjoyed with a smile, and the beginning of more quarks that put the butterflies back in my belly.

We’ve had a few misunderstandings, and more than once I talked myself into thinking it would have been nice, but she needed to go her own way (mostly my inability to slow down, ask questions, and let things simmer a minute before I react). She’s got her own demons she’s fighting, her own disappointments that she needs to forgive herself for, and a lot of choices she needs to make that are important to her character, but she hasn’t been able to figure out yet. She is still getting to know herself, learning who she is, and most of all, finding her truth. Everyone should take this journey, fight through the tough choices, and learn that once you’re familiar and honest with yourself, you will attract the people that see this, and champion your success.

I can’t say I’m secure in this relationship, but I have been honest with myself, she warned me from the beginning that she didn’t know what she wanted or was ready for, and I’ve kept pieces of me in reserve for the day we might have to step apart and cheer each other on from afar. Pieces that will be the foundation of my continued journey, growth, and moving through what ever may come my way. I would like to find my for ever person, but I’m not in a hurry, there is no rush. Right now I’m enjoying this part of our journey, and so far, I feel we’ve enjoyed this relationship, created wonderful memories, and if we have to part ways, there will be no regrets, no disappointments, and most of all, we will part ways as two people that are better humans for knowing one another. It’s always good when you meet someone, grow as a result, learn a little more about your self, and there’s a sprinkle of a better you inside because of it.

I don’t want this post to be a Debby downer in any way because it isn’t. It’s actually a message that even though there are parts of everyone’s lives that are filled with utter happiness, there are days, in that happiness where melancholy moods creep in. Today, for the first time in a long time, I stood on the outside of a melancholy mood. She’s much better at communicating this than I am. When I find myself in a melancholy mood I either become a recluse for a day or two, find myself some where to sleep for a few days, or make everyone around me think I’m either tired, or about to find a Mountain Lion to wrastle! Rarely do I ever let anyone know I am just feeling blagh, blank, foggy, or melancholy. I think I learned today, that if you tell someone you’re just not feeling full of sparkles today, it makes it easier for them to give you the space you need to relax into your mood, rest, and let your mind bring you back around in time. I can’t thank her enough for the simple message that she knew she wasn’t acting like herself, and she wasn’t feeling herself. It made me want to make her cookies, but it also let me know that I didn’t have to worry, she just needed some peace and quiet to be still for a little while.

I guess today’s post is just to say thank you to everyone. My mom, Ray, and my sister. My friend’s Mary, Becky, Tina, and Vinnie. I have a very small circle of people in my life. Fortunately, over the last year, I have needed them like no other time in my life. They’ve all been there to cheer me on, listen to me cry quietly, sob aggressively, and sniff so hard it made me cough. They kept my fire lit, and kicked me in the ass when self pity was knocking down my doors. They gave the best advice they could, held their tongue when it wouldn’t have helped, and encouraged me when I was having a hard time making some very difficult or emotional choices.

Finally, I thank all of those people first, because who I am now, is a direct result of who they helped me to be. I am in no way finished, I am so far from who I want see looking back at me in the mirror it is frustrating, but I am a much better person than I was only a few months ago, and being in a relationship right now, feels like for the fist time in as long as I can remember, I’m okay. I’m okay if it grows into something more, and I’m okay if it stays where its at and we grow apart to end up old friends. I’m okay to learn new ways of communication, and I’m okay not knowing how to handle everything that comes my way. I’m okay being able to help someone get on their feet even though it means they may use their new knowledge to continue down their path with out me, and I’m okay, happy even, knowing that almost no matter who they are, they will go away from me knowing I tried, I did my best, and tomorrow I’ll be better, and try my best again.

Here’s to people that enjoy other people for the very things they worry about being. Eat the food in front of someone new, fall asleep with them even though you snore, make love when it feels right, and be alone with yourself for as long as you need to. You’ll be better for everyone in your life if you take care of yourself first.

What ever we are, is pretty great if you ask me. ~me